October 2013
I
was sitting on the beach with my toes dangling in the cool water and my
fingertips stretched over the warm sand.
I heard the sounds of waves crashing into the shoreline and then the
peaceful hush of water as it seeped back into the ocean. I felt the breath of the salty sea air as it
whipped my hair into a musical cadence, and welcomed the warm sunshine as it
kissed my cheeks. I closed my eyes to commit
this moment to memory, soaking in each smell, taste, sight, sound, and feeling
that penetrated my senses. As I opened
my eyes, a kind face, completed by an illuminating smile, greeted me. Standing above the water before me was a man
with an outstretched arm, inviting me to take a walk with him.
I desperately longed to run into his arms to
journey together across the water, but I remained seated in the sand, paralyzed
by his invitation. I had survived the
journey across the desert, where I was tempted by demons and challenged to
continue moving toward the next good step.
I had endured the long loneliness in anticipation for this moment, to
walk side by side with Jesus. However, I
remained in the sand, too overcome by fear and doubt to harness enough faith to
walk on water.
Instead of journeying out into the deep water without
me, Jesus sat next to me in the sand, meeting me right where I was. He didn’t ask me why I wouldn’t come with him
and he didn’t try to talk me into stepping out into the water. Jesus just sat with me, and I had never felt
more loved in all my life. My heart
pounded and I was next to my mother, reminded of the joy to be found in the
gift of self-sacrifice. My heart pounded
and I was sitting next to my father, focusing on the truth, rather than the
distractions around me. My heart pounded
and I was sitting next to my best friend, challenging me to be authentic, true
to who God made me to be. My heart
pounded and I was sitting next to a guest from the St. Hedwig Haus, recalling
the holy struggle and lessons of humility and suffering. My heart pounded and I was sitting next to a
speech therapy client, reminded of his sense of deep gratitude for services
that I was able to provide.
My
heart pounded and I was standing in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by the
love of God. By recognizing Christ in
those around me and responding to each grace-filled moment, I demonstrated the
faith needed to walk on water. Finally,
I was able to answer God’s call to holiness, to live out my vocation to love,
to offer my life to Christ in service to the Poor.
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