The Next Good Step

June 2015               

                   It was early morning and I was sitting in the sailboat, watching the sun rise up over the horizon.  I saw the familiar sandy coast to my left, as we had been following the shoreline throughout the voyage.  It was comforting to know that there was always an opportunity to dock the sailboat and exit if I no longer wanted to continue this particular journey.  However, that was never a desire that entered my heart, and each day we set sail together as a team.

                  This experience on the sailboat was challenging because I had never sailed before, and had no idea what I was doing.  Luckily, one of my companions made haste to help me whenever I got into a dangerous situation and was quick to comfort me when I got hurt.  She’s really good at sailing, and also taught me how to move with the direction of the breeze.  She had an amazing way of setting the sails and surrendering to the wind.

                  This experience on the sailboat was also a joyful experience because I was moving toward a clear direction.  We had a compass and coordinates for the next good step, and all we had to do was sail there together.  While following the heading, my companions shared stories of their first sailboat experience, what it was like when they were wandering in the desert, and how terrified they were when they were sitting on the beach and invited to walk on the water.  Listening to their experiences made me excited for the journey ahead of me, and knowing that they were going to continue the journey with me gave me the strength and courage to choose to move forward.

As I looked further out onto the horizon, I noticed something that was not there before.  There was another boat in the water, a larger boat that also had tall, pointed white sails.

                  “There it is,” said my sailing mentor as she pointed toward the boat in the distance.  “Looks like it is time for the next good step.” 

                  I looked at the boat anchored several miles away.  “Why isn’t it getting closer?”  I noticed an unusual stillness in the air.  There was no longer a breeze to drive us any further.

                  “Oh, this is as far as we go in the sailboat,” my mentor answered.  “We will continue the journey with you though,” she added with a wink.

                  “But how do we get to the other boat?” I asked.

                  She answered, “You’ve got two feet, don’t ya?  Better start walking.”

                  I looked out at the morning water, smooth as glass.  It seemed tame enough for a nice stroll, however, I had no idea how deep this water could be, and I imagined it was pretty cold.  I remembered last time I walked on water, how I started to sink and was terrified that I would be stuck in the water forever.  Was I ready to take this walk to the next boat?  Was I ready to continue this walk on water?

                  I stood up and made my way to the edge of the boat.  I looked out at the boat in the distance, and my heart began beating quickly.  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.  Then I felt a familiar squeeze on my hand.  Oh thank God!  Jesus is here!

                  I looked at Jesus standing next to me on the edge of our sailboat, and he nodded.  “Are you ready for this, Kara?”

                  I glanced out at the boat in the distance and then looked back at Jesus again.  “You’re walking with me, right?”

                  “Yes, Kara.  I am always with you.  Do you trust me?” Jesus asked that oh so familiar question.

                  “Completely!” I whispered.  The familiar melody sang through my mind, Oh I need you, Lord, I need you!  Every hour I need you!

                  “Alright then Kara!  Let’s make the next good step.”  Jesus held onto my hand tightly and together, we took our first step off the sailboat.

Wade in the Water

April 2014

                  

Oh no!  I am ankle deep in water.  I frantically look for Jesus, my companion on this journey, but I cannot find him.  How could I have lost sight of him?  Did he head in another direction and I was distracted by something and failed to follow along?  Is he trusting me to take the lead for now and will catch up with me later?  Surely he knows how utterly dependent I am on him.  He’s got to be here, Kara.  Open your eyes!  But I still can’t find him.  All I can focus on is how deeper and deeper I am plummeting into the water. 

I can’t believe this is happening!  All of that time in the desert alone… All of that time waiting on the beach, too terrified to walk with Jesus, to make that next good step… And then there was that glorious moment when I found myself walking on water with Jesus, finally headed towards a destination.  

My heart sinks into my stomach as I find myself waist deep in the cold water.  I can barely feel my legs.  Not again!  Kara, have you lost the faith needed to walk on water?  How easily you doubt in God’s provincial care.  You are not alone, Kara!  You ARE headed towards a destination.  Keep walking, Kara.  KEEP WALKING!

But I am unable to take a step forward and turn around.  There, I see it.  I see the shore where I sat with Jesus.  I could probably make it back to the beach.  I could sit there again and wait for Jesus to find me and invite me on another walk.  I would be safe.  I could come up with a new plan so I wouldn’t find myself in this desperate situation again.  Perhaps I will put on some sandals that float in the water for extra support.  Maybe I will bring a flotation device in my pocket, ready to whip out if I feel myself starting to sink in the water.  Maybe I will just tie a rope around Jesus, attaching me to his side so there is not a chance that I will get disconnected from him while we are walking.  Yes, perhaps I could head back to the shore and try all of this again another time.

I turn back around and face the immense stretch of water, blue as far as the eye can see.  However, in the distance I see a small sailboat with large white sails pointing towards the heavens.  I hear distant voices singing, “Wade in the water.  Wade in the water, children.  Wade in the water.  God’s a-going to trouble the water.

I take a step forward and the water remains at my waist.  “Wade in the water.”  I take another step forward and I see that the sailboat is turned in my direction.  “Wade in the water, Kara.”  I take another step forward and the sailboat appears to be getting larger.  Yes, the sailboat is moving in my direction.  “Wade in the water.”  I take yet another step, and see people in the boat waving at me, smiles stretching from ear to ear.  “God’s a-going to trouble the water.”  With a life preserver in hand, I am pulled into the boat.

Meeting Christ Face to Face

October 2013

I was sitting on the beach with my toes dangling in the cool water and my fingertips stretched over the warm sand.  I heard the sounds of waves crashing into the shoreline and then the peaceful hush of water as it seeped back into the ocean.  I felt the breath of the salty sea air as it whipped my hair into a musical cadence, and welcomed the warm sunshine as it kissed my cheeks.  I closed my eyes to commit this moment to memory, soaking in each smell, taste, sight, sound, and feeling that penetrated my senses.  As I opened my eyes, a kind face, completed by an illuminating smile, greeted me.  Standing above the water before me was a man with an outstretched arm, inviting me to take a walk with him. 

                  

I desperately longed to run into his arms to journey together across the water, but I remained seated in the sand, paralyzed by his invitation.  I had survived the journey across the desert, where I was tempted by demons and challenged to continue moving toward the next good step.  I had endured the long loneliness in anticipation for this moment, to walk side by side with Jesus.  However, I remained in the sand, too overcome by fear and doubt to harness enough faith to walk on water.

                  

Instead of journeying out into the deep water without me, Jesus sat next to me in the sand, meeting me right where I was.  He didn’t ask me why I wouldn’t come with him and he didn’t try to talk me into stepping out into the water.  Jesus just sat with me, and I had never felt more loved in all my life.  My heart pounded and I was next to my mother, reminded of the joy to be found in the gift of self-sacrifice.  My heart pounded and I was sitting next to my father, focusing on the truth, rather than the distractions around me.  My heart pounded and I was sitting next to my best friend, challenging me to be authentic, true to who God made me to be.  My heart pounded and I was sitting next to a guest from the St. Hedwig Haus, recalling the holy struggle and lessons of humility and suffering.  My heart pounded and I was sitting next to a speech therapy client, reminded of his sense of deep gratitude for services that I was able to provide. 

My heart pounded and I was standing in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by the love of God.  By recognizing Christ in those around me and responding to each grace-filled moment, I demonstrated the faith needed to walk on water.  Finally, I was able to answer God’s call to holiness, to live out my vocation to love, to offer my life to Christ in service to the Poor.

Discernment in the Desert

January 2013

There I was, standing in the middle of a vast desert, sand stretching for as far as the eye could see.  I was lost and did not know where to go from there.  The journey had been long, the sand was hot, my feet were worn, and I lacked the energy or motivation to continue.  With a desperate cry, I looked up to the sky and saw a bird soaring with such poise and finesse, weightless as it rode the wind.  I turned to follow the bird as it flew over my head, and I found myself facing a long, windy path of sandy footprints.

Behind me, I discovered the many footsteps taken to arrive to my current place in the desert.  My eyes followed the footsteps as they curved from one direction to another, winding up steep sand dunes and avoiding large rocks and other obstacles.  I noticed shaded darkness at some points, heard the cries, and felt the pain in my heart as I recalled those moments in the desert.  I noticed the warm periods of brightness, heard the laughter, and felt the joy in my heart as I recalled those moments of the journey.  

My eyes counted the steps, far exceeding the necessary amount to walk from one point to the other; however, every step was required to carry me to my current place.  Some steps were close together and others were widely spaced.  There were times during the journey when I was apprehensive and slowly walked in an unsure direction, and then there were times when I confidently ran in a clear path.  

After examining the path taken thus far, I realized that each step was crucial in guiding me to this point in the journey.  As I turned and faced the unmarked sand in front of me, I noticed something that was not there before.  Far into the distance, I saw the shore, with waves crashing into the sand.  The wind blew the salty sea air and I heard melodious voices calling out to me:  “Come to the water!”  A calming peace consumed me and my many steps made from hope and love, were finally answered with joy.

There it was before me:  a destination.  My journey in the desert was not over, but now I was finally headed somewhere.  I knew that crossing the desert was only the beginning of the journey, but a necessary period of preparation.  Hopefully once I make it out of the desert and onto the shore, I will have enough faith to walk on water.